Now, more than ever before, there’s a wealth of erotic material available to enjoy. While some people are anti porn, there’s no need to watch anything exploitative in this day and age. There’s plenty of material available that’s ethically produced, sex positive and reflects real sex rather than porno stereotypes. And that’s before you even take into account the glut of home-produced films that people willingly share online every day.

The stereotypical view suggests that men get off on visuals and women get off on words, but while it’s true to say that modern erotic novels have a mass female following, research has shown women get just as aroused by visual depictions of sex as men do. Conversely, many men enjoy reading erotic stories. And if you like the idea of hearing not-so-sweet words whispered in your ear, there are countless erotic audio books and podcasts available, covering almost every kind of sex you could imagine. Of course, you can always read each other erotic bedtime stories too – though there’s no guarantee they’ll lead to a good night’s sleep…

Many counsellors recommend erotic materials to couples looking to balance libidos or spice up their relationships. However, it’s worth discussing with your partner first: suddenly revealing a porn playlist or your secret fetish may not be well received. Talk about the sort of things that you both enjoy, or browse together online taking it in turns to type in search terms if you’re too shy to talk about it out loud. As with sharing any fantasies, it’s best to start off with the milder end of your desires and only work your way up to your wilder preferences after gauging your lover’s response.

Photos, videos, stories and audio are all available in abundance, so you’ll be spoilt for choice: the more precisely you define what you like, the better a match you’ll find – and the more your lover will learn about your desires too.

Erotic material can be used as easy foreplay, inspiration for a steamy night in. Open your mind, be prepared to explore and who knows what excitement you might find.

(Reproduced from https://www.durex.co.uk/en-gb/explore-sex/article/naughty-but-nice)

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Sexual attraction can easily be confused for either physical attraction or infatuation. However, sexual attraction also known as sexual chemistry, is the carnal desire to be intimate with one another. While physical attraction can be contributed to your partner’s appearance or behaviour, it may or may not lead to romance. So if you are trying to figure out if there are sparks flying between you and your partner, here are a few sure signs that there is sexual chemistry.

Mirroring one another

Not only is it an indicator of attraction but sexual interest. Mirroring can be used in many different situations to tell if your partner is into you. If you touch your hair, do they do the same? If you shift in your chair do they change their position so their body reflects yours? If so, then these subtle changes are a way to project being non-threatening. Scientists believe the more your partner can recognise themselves in your behaviour, the deeper the attraction goes.

Playful touch

One of the easiest ways to express your emotions and desire towards your partner is through touch. Light and spontaneous, rubbing and prolonged body contact can re-enforce a level of intimacy that may exist between you and your partner. Whether you decide to suggestively rub your partner’s legs or you brush your fingertips lightly on their arms; playfully touching your partner is a powerful way to build sexual tension while leaving you both aroused.

An undeniable pull

You know that magnetic feeling you get when you see someone that you are instantly attracted to; you find yourself having an uncontrollable urge and desire to be close to them. When you see someone who sexually excites you, your body will react to respond to these feelings accordingly. Your sense of personal space changes when you are around your partner who sexually excites you. So if you feel that spark that you can’t deny, don’t dismiss it; it’s real.

You don’t mind experimenting

When it comes to dipping your toes into new sexual dalliances, trusting your partner allows for a greater sexual experience. Whether it’s trying out that sex toy that you’ve always wanted to try, or creating your own sex games inspired by Fifty Shades Darker, experimenting with your partner can ignite burning sexual desires between you two. If you’re turned on by your partner’s touch, harness those emotions for a wild night of uncontrollable pleasure.

There’s deep sexual trust

Sex with your partner is not only a physical act but an emotional one that involves a high level of trust. From discussing your sexual history to knowing your STI status, being comfortable with your partner to discuss these things go hand in hand with great sex. Not only does it positively reflect the respect that you two have for one another, it allows you both to explore one another without any judgement or fear.

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Give us five adjectives for the best sex you’ve ever had – GO:

…

It’s a pretty good bet that the word ‘intense’ made that list somewhere… and here we go “tips for great sex” :

Intensity is something that all great sex seems to feature, and though it may seem easy to work out why intense sex is great, it’s a little harder to work out why great sex is intense. “Intense” sex could refer to a quickie that leaves your fingernails in their back, or a slow, eye-contact-keeping, melting in to each other. Because of this, it could easily seem a mystery exactly what it is that gives great sex its intensity. Let’s take a look at what it is that intense sex tends to share, and from this, we can work out how pretty much anyone can inject a bit of intensity for better sex.

Anticipation

Anticipation can mean a long, slow build up over a number of hours, but it doesn’t have to. An entire day’s worth of anticipation can be compressed into the few seconds in which you throw caution to the wind, and start tearing each other’s clothes off.

Passion

This links in with anticipation, as it requires a complete losing of yourself in the moment, embracing the fact that you need this more than anything else in the world right now. Time stands still, and it could be five minutes or five hours, but it doesn’t matter – nothing else matters.

Connection

This doesn’t mean that you have to be in a long term relationship in order to have great sex – a connection is something that can be felt instantly, and last just a few hours. When sex is shared between two people who already feel a love connection though, that level of togetherness can deepen to such a point that you forget that you’re actually two separate people.

Intensify your sex life

When things like anticipation, passion, or connection are focused on too closely, they instantly lose their magic. If it was easy as just deciding that you want to feel these things, then every time would be the best time. There are things you can do though, to make sure that you don’t take these things for granted. Be spontaneous, and don’t resist trying new things (as long as they don’t make you uncomfortable), and allow yourself to be lost in the moment. All of life’s little worries will still be there when you’re done, so free yourself from them and allow yourself to fully experience each other.

Most importantly though, get to know each other. Get to know what the other likes and dislikes during sex, but make sure you get to know them outside of the bedroom as well. If there is one thing that can provide intense, better sex, it’s that mutual respect, and connection – which isn’t something that can be created, it’s earned.

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(reproduced from http://www.durex.ie/explore-sex/articles/safe-sex-is-good-sex/)

(Draft : more coming later..)

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(reproduced from http://www.durex.ie/explore-sex/articles/timing-is-everything/)

Everyone is ready for sex at a different stage and only you can know if it’s right for you. This checklist will help you decide whether you’re ready. If you have any doubts, it’s better to wait. You only get one first time, after all, either in this relationship or ever!

1. Do you feel happy at the idea of having sex?
2. Do you feel physically, emotionally and mentally ready for sex?
3. Do you know what sex entails? Penetrative sex is just one way to give each other sexual pleasure, but oral sex and manual play can both be fun too. Just remember, oral carries risks of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) too so you’ll still need to use a condom or dental dam (square of latex) to cover the area.
4. Do you trust and respect your partner, and think that they feel the same way about you?
5. Are you confident that you can insist on safe sex? You can get pregnant/get someone pregnant and/or contract STIs every time you have sex, including the first time.
6. Do you feel happy with the location and timing? And does your partner feels the same way?
7. Are you aware of the possible outcomes of sex? And is the person you’re considering having sex with? If so, do you feel ready to deal with any issues that may arise?
8. Is there anything that scares you about having sex and, if so, have you discussed this with your partner?
9. Do you want sex because you feel ready or because you’re worried you may lose your partner if you don’t?
10. Does it feel right? Your gut instinct is worth listening to – if something doesn’t feel quite as it should be, you may want to wait a little longer before making a decision you might regret.

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